COSPLAY & DRESSING UP FOR “BEDROOM FUN”
There is something deliciously dangerous about dressing up.
Perhaps it is the mask. Perhaps it is the stockings, the boots, the cape, the wig, the corset, the uniform, the leather gloves, or simply the fact that for one evening you are not quite yourself.
Halloween gives us the perfect excuse.
For one night, nobody questions the vampire at the bar, the witch in the supermarket, the superhero ordering a taxi or the woman in thigh-high boots who has suddenly developed a very convincing interest in gothic make-up.
We are all allowed to pretend.
And pretending can be very sexy.
Cosplay is usually associated with conventions, films, comics, fantasy and fandom, but there is another side to dressing up that couples have understood for years.
Sometimes putting on a costume allows you to take something else off.
Your inhibitions.
There is something wonderfully freeing about becoming a character for a while. The sensible, responsible, organised version of you can take the evening off.
Perhaps tonight you are confident.
Perhaps tonight you are wicked.
Perhaps tonight you are the mysterious stranger who has just appeared at the bedroom door with absolutely no intention of discussing the electricity bill.
That little shift in personality can be surprisingly powerful.
A costume creates anticipation before anything has even happened.
Your partner knows what you normally look like.
Then suddenly you appear wearing something completely different.
A black dress.
A mask.
Stockings.
Boots.
A cape.
A fitted shirt.
A fantasy costume.
Something you would never normally wear to make a cup of tea.
And suddenly the person they know extremely well becomes slightly unfamiliar.
That is where the excitement begins.
Mystery is terribly underrated in long-term relationships.
When you have seen somebody brushing their teeth, looking for their glasses, arguing with the television and wandering around the kitchen wearing an old robe, mystery can occasionally become a scarce commodity.
A costume puts a little of it back.
You can even make an entrance.
Do not underestimate the entrance.
Disappear for ten minutes.
Change.
Add perfume.
Lower the lights.
Put on music.
Then walk back into the room as though you have never met before.
You may feel ridiculous for approximately seven seconds.
Then you may discover that ridiculous can turn into rather exciting remarkably quickly.
Halloween costumes are particularly good for bedroom mischief because they already come with built-in personalities.
Take vampires.
Vampires have spent centuries behaving badly while looking fabulous.
They are mysterious, dangerous, beautifully dressed and apparently incapable of simply asking politely for anything.
A vampire costume almost demands confidence.
Then there are witches.
Forget the green face and broomstick for a moment.
Think black lace, dark lipstick, boots and the sort of look that suggests somebody is about to be placed under a spell and may not object very strongly.
Superheroes and villains can be fun too.
Although there is one practical consideration.
Before buying an elaborate costume online, ask yourself an important question:
“How quickly can this thing be removed?”
Because there is nothing less seductive than spending fifteen minutes trapped inside a costume while your partner attempts to locate the hidden zip.
Historical costumes can be wonderfully dramatic.
Victorian.
Regency.
Pirate.
Highwayman.
Gothic countess.
Masked stranger.
The clothes themselves encourage a little theatre.
You can invent names.
Characters.
Backstories.
You can meet each other as strangers.
You can flirt shamelessly.
You can pretend you have never seen one another before.
You can even arrange to meet in another room of the house and introduce yourselves.
It sounds silly.
It is silly.
Adults do not play enough.
We organise.
We schedule.
We shop.
We clean.
We answer messages.
We worry about money.
We make lists.
Occasionally it is good to spend an evening doing something completely unnecessary.
Something playful.
Something indulgent.
Something that makes you look at the person you love and think:
Well.
This evening has suddenly become rather more interesting.
And dressing up does not have to mean dressing provocatively.
Sometimes the most erotic costumes are the ones that reveal very little.
A long coat.
A silk robe.
A mask.
Gloves.
A tightly buttoned shirt.
A dress that gives almost nothing away.
Because suggestion can be much more powerful than exposure.
The imagination is extremely good at filling in gaps.
That is why anticipation matters.
You do not have to rush.
Make an evening of it.
Send a teasing message earlier in the day.
Do not explain everything.
Simply suggest that your partner might want to be home at a certain time.
Perhaps leave part of the costume somewhere they will find it.
A mask on the pillow.
A pair of gloves on the bed.
A note.
Something that says:
Tonight might not be entirely ordinary.
The build-up can be half the fun.
Couples can also choose costumes together.
Vampire and vampire hunter.
Hero and villain.
Detective and mysterious suspect.
Ghost and ghost hunter.
Pirate and captive.
Royalty and servant.
Or two characters who absolutely should not be romantically involved, which somehow makes the whole thing considerably funnier.
You can create your own characters too.
That can be even better because there are no rules to follow.
No worrying whether the costume is accurate.
No debates about whether a character would actually behave that way.
Your bedroom does not require continuity supervision.
The important thing, of course, is that both people are comfortable.
Fantasy is fun when everybody involved wants to be there.
Talk about what appeals.
Talk about what does not.
Laugh about it.
Set boundaries.
And do not assume that because somebody likes one costume, they automatically want the entire fantasy that might traditionally accompany it.
Sometimes somebody simply likes the boots and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that.
Perhaps the best thing about dressing up is that you can surprise yourself.
You may discover that a character makes you feel more confident.
You may discover that your partner has a completely unexpected weakness for a particular look.
You may discover that somebody who claims not to be interested in costumes becomes extremely interested once you actually walk into the room wearing one.
Research, after all, is important.
Halloween is the perfect opportunity to experiment because the whole world is already playing along.
Buy the costume.
Try the wig.
Wear the mask.
Be the vampire.
Be the villain.
Be the mysterious stranger.
And when the trick-or-treaters have gone home, the sweets have been eaten and the front door is finally locked, there is no rule saying the costumes have to come off immediately.
Although, depending on how successful the evening has been, they probably will.
Eventually.
BIG KISS XX
— Diane Marie
PS my new After Dark book is on pre-order - reserve your copy now or I might turn you all into frogs & toads!
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